Hello Lollo, and welcome here, so glad to be here with you.

I was so impressed by your extremely thoughtful questions and the way you have approached your life. So far from what you have said, (at least to me), is that you are in a really good mental place to figure this out because life “is full of conflict”; and part of the hero’s journey is to become who you truly are; and that means inner conflicts are also “a source as well as a hurdle” for finding the answers that you may need. We all want to feel like we are making the “correct” choices; and “crossroads” are tough business because you are up against your own decision. Well, what if we don’t know which way to go or what we should do, and we are stuck not knowing what direction we should take and are looking for answers trying to read the road signs we may be missing?

There may be many suggestions to choose from, but all I can say is your post reminds me of something I remember Joseph said to Michael Toms in his book: “An Open Life”; on page 110, where they are talking about this same kind of life crisis:
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Joseph: “I think the individual has to find his own model. I found mine.”

Toms: “Isn’t it important to respect our own uniqueness?”

Joseph: “I think that’s the most important thing of all. That’s why, as I said, you really can’t follow a guru. You can’t ask somebody to give “The Reason”, but you can find one for yourself; you decide what the meaning of your life is to be. People talk about the meaning of life, there is no meaning of life—there are lots of meanings of different lives, and you must decide what you want your own to be.”

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We all need advice from time to time and sometimes sounding boards are a really good thing. But from my understanding much of Joseph’s message about “following one’s bliss” has to do with making decisions about following what one’s sense of their own eternity is; that deep sense as he said of being: “in it”; and if you follow your instincts that way doors will open where you did not know there were going to be doors because it is your life course you are considering; and part of the hero’s journey is into the dark forest where: “there is no path”; right? It is “your path”; and no one has been there before; because if there is a path: “it is not your path”. It’s a sort of alchemical cooking that’s going on inside you that’s leading you forward and as Joseph mentions: “all you get are little clues”; (sometimes an occasional helper); but in the end it’s your journey. And when you look back over your life it will inform you about who you are and the importance of your choices. So, to me this is not a question of out there somewhere but looking inside you for the answers you may need.

From your post it sounds like you have really good instincts for figuring this out; and others may have things to add; but you are the only one who knows if any of this resonates for you. (I really like the way you are thinking this through; so best of luck on what you decide; and again; a warm welcome here.)

Lollo; as an addendum I went looking and found something I want to add that may help further answer some of your questions.

On page 63; of Diane Osbon’s: “Reflections on the Art of Living – A Joseph Campbell Companion”; where Joseph is reflecting on his years where he dropped out and read for 5 years and here are some insights he got from that period.

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“I don’t know what it was during those five years, but I was convinced I would still be alive for a little while. I remember one time when I had a dollar bill in the top drawer of a little chest, and I knew as long as that was there I still had resources. It was great. I had no responsibilities, none. It was exciting—writing journals, trying to find out what I wanted. I still have those things. When I look at them now, I can’t believe it.

Actually, there were times when I almost thought—almost thought—“Jeez, I wish someone would tell me what I had to do,” that kind of thing. Freedom involves making decisions, and each decision is a destiny decision. It’s a very difficult to find in the outside world something that matches what the system inside you is yearning for. My feeling now is that I had a perfect life: what I needed came along just when I needed it. What I needed then was life without a job for five years. It was fundamental.

As Schopenhauer says, when you look back over your life, it looks as though it were a plot, but when you are into it, it’s just a mess: one surprise after another. Then, later you see it was perfect. So, I have a theory that if you are on your own path things are going to come to you. Since it’s your path, and no one has ever been on it before, there is no precedent, so everything that happens is a surprise and is timely.”

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One last thing that might be of interest is this clip with Joseph discussing the “Left Hand Path” of the Hero’s Journey.

Hopefully all of this will be of extra help to you!

Lollo; what a deeply thoughtful response; and I was very touched that I was helpful to you in some small way. Apparently, your crisis dilemma touched off something in my subconscious as well as I had dreams relating to my own inner journey which I will provide suggestions from that I hope you may find helpful as you look through your dream journal. Jungian analysis often deals with “transference” between both people involved because there is a dynamic interplay of cross-communication that may stimulate unconscious material in both people, (especially if emotional content is involved). Archetypes and Complexes are worthy of note here; and one such example is the “wounded healer” archetype. And your wonderful post was a prime example for “me” of this, and I will take a quote from: Daryl Sharp’s Lexicon that may help explain the relevance.

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Wounded Healer:
An archetypal dynamic that may be constellated in an analytic relationship.This term derives from the legend of Asclepius, a Greek doctor who in recognition of his own wounds established a sanctuary at Epidaurus where others could be healed of theirs.

Those seeking to be cured went through a process called incubation. First they had a cleansing bath, thought to have a purifying effect on the soul as well as the body. Uncontaminated by the body, the soul was free to commune with the gods. After preliminary sacrificial offerings, the incubants lay on a couch and went to sleep. If they were lucky, they had a healing dream; if they were luckier, a snake came in the night and bit them.

The wounded healer archetype can be schematized by a variation of the diagram used by Jung to illustrate the lines of communication in a relationship.[See “The Psychology of the Transference,” The Practice of Psychother-apy, CW 16, par. 422.

The drawing shows six double-headed arrows, indicating that communication can move in either direction-twelve ways in which information can pass between analyst and analysand.

According to this paradigm, the analyst’s wounds, although presumed to be relatively conscious after a lengthy personal analysis, live a shadowy existence. They can always be reconstellated in particular situations, and especially when working with someone whose wounds are similar. (They are the basis for countertransference reactions in analysis.)

Meanwhile, the wounded analysand’s inner healer is in the shadow but potentially available. The analysand’s wounds activate those of the analyst. The analyst reacts, identifies what is happening and in one way or another, consciously or unconsciously, passes this awareness back to the analysand.

In this model, the unconscious relationship between analyst and analysand is quite as important, in terms of the healing process, as what is consciously communicated. There are two other significant implications:

1) Healing can take place only if the analyst has an ongoing relationship with the unconscious. Otherwise, he or she may identify with the healer archetype, a common form of inflation.

2) Depth psychology is a dangerous profession, since the analyst is forever prone to being infected by the other’s wounds-or having his or her wounds reopened.

No analysis is capable of banishing all unconsciousness for ever. The analyst must go on learning endlessly, and never forget that each new case brings new problems to light and thus gives rise to unconscious assumptions that have never before been constellated. We could say, without too much exaggeration, that a good half of every treatment that probes at all deeply consists in the doctor’s examining himself, for only what he can put right in himself can he hope to put right in the patient. It is no loss, either, if he feels that the patient is hitting him, or even scoring off him: it is his own hurt that gives the measure of his power to heal. This, and nothing else, is the meaning of the Greek myth of the wounded physician. [“Fundamental Questions of Psychotherapy,” ibid. para. 239.]

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Unfortunately, the picture of the drawing of the “Transference diagram” from the quote did not appear, but it is readily visible in the link I left above to the online version of Sharp’s Lexicon which is a wonderful resource for Jungian terminology that many analysts use regularly.

The second thing that struck me in your response was about “The Call”; and one’s calling I think is not necessarily; (at least to me); a one-time affair; but more an inner connection to one’s true self that they are “yearning” for. Joseph talks about going where one’s: “Heart and Soul” want to go; and to “follow” that call. And to my way of thinking we as human beings are looking for that thing that gives us authenticity that tells us: “thou art that”. That: “tat tvan asi” that is mentioned in several places Joseph points to of the recognition this is my heart’s calling; this is what I was born to do; or my destiny calling that says: “this is what I was looking for that was missing from living the inauthentic life of the wasteland”. (And when you find it: “You Know”); and there is no guessing or question. And from a lot of the stories and tales that are often recounted: “it may often find you”; and the question I think is more about: “are you ready for it?”; are you paying attention to your path?; and are you listening to your heart that’s leading you forward? Self -doubt often gets in the way as well; when Joseph mentions: “Oh I couldn’t do that – I couldn’t be a writer or whatever it is that catches your attention, and you “refuse the invitation” to go on a journey you feel has major significance for you. That’s denial of your deep inner wish; and it may come back to haunt you in later life that you missed your moment of opportunity. Joseph says: “grab it and don’t be afraid”. So, keep looking if that is what your inner compass is telling you because you are “Following your star”; and don’t let anyone throw you off course or dissuade you of your mission. There are a lot of “virtue managers” out there who may attempt to do so; you know the ones who say that you should live a certain way; and that your way or what you are doing has no value.

Here is the thing I see as the hero path; it’s journey to find your life in all its glory and wealth of possibility and meaning; but it’s a dangerous one too; and you can get lost or fall off or get sidetracked or be challenged as to whether you are serious about following it through till you find it. And one of the secrets as I understand it is all the little things that happen along the way are part of the most important components that compose it’s meaning; and it’s “your meaning”; not someone that tells you have to follow a script or that there is only one way held together in a certain sequence. People lead complex and complicated lives full of all kinds of mistakes; but are you listening to your own insides and what they are telling you is the main question, I think. And yes; we need major help sometimes; but are you up for what’s calling you when you find it; and able to say: a hearty “Yes” to your path no matter where it leads, or whatever disappointments you may encounter when things don’t quite turn out the way you thought. And if you are thrown off your horse can you get back up and remount and continue on; because we know there are going to be hurdles and obstacles and demons and heartache; but we also know that our heart’s desire is worth it. There may be detours, road-stops, or reconfigurations involved as well. You may meet your future wife; you may have kids, you may lose people close to you; you may get fired from whatever job you have at the moment; and the possibilities are endless; but it’s all part of the grand opera of your life; and you may find at your journey’s end that all of this was its’ greatest reward.

Sorry to go on so much; but I have a real problem with “set-in-stone scripts” that tell you there is only one way the hero journey is revealed. And your determination to follow your own path has been such an inspiration to witness. And I hope my jumble of sincere suggestions may be helpful to you. Thank you for sharing your personal journey with me and I wish you much luck in your adventure from here. As a close here is a familiar clip from Bill Moyers: “The Power of Myth” taken from the JC foundation’s YouTube channel that contains dozens of small portions of Joseph’s lectures throughout the years. It’s a fabulous resource for learning about more of Joseph’s insights; and can be accessed by clicking on the foundation logo or link provided within the clip window. “Follow your Bliss”

Dear Lollo,

Thank you for writing such an interesting – and heroic – post. For me, your question goes to the heart of Campbell’s teachings as you are wondering how to live your life heroically and, if I may say so, you are approaching your life as a quest. I am delighted by the replies you received from James and Stephen – particularly James’s reference to the dark forest (aye!) and Stephen’s beautiful quote from Pathways to Bliss.

My thoughts are that at the tender age of 23 you did what so many of us do at that age: looked outside of yourself for counsel when the answers lie within. I would suggest that your old painting teacher gave good counsel at the time: namely, to follow your heart. Campbell, as you know, said ‘Follow your bliss’.  The principle is the same. Your teacher was the embodiment of the mentor then, but it is not always easy to follow one’s own instincts or to discern whose counsel it is best to trust.

I know that we have more than one chance in life. In his book The Fisher King and the Handless Maiden, Robert A. Johnson writes about this. He believes that we attain a grand vision early in our life and we have two chances to achieve the vision: once in youth, and again in midlife.

‘Fate is kind and allows us two chances in life when the veil between consciousness and the unconscious grows thin. One of these is mid-adolescence when one is gratuitously allowed to see a great vision and the other is in mid-life when he has a second chance to touch his visionary life if he has earned the right.’

Robert writes this in the context of  the story of Parsifal, the fisher king and the Romance of the Grail. He goes on to write in the same book that ‘The Grail castle is close at hand every night of one’s life and may be experienced at any time.’ I understand this to mean that, in fact, we have many more than two opportunities: we have choices every day of our life and our night dreams are always seeking to guide us too. For that reason I like your reference to a dream journal 🙂

Perhaps you would find it helpful to study Campbell’s teachings about the Romance of the Grail and the quest of Parsifal? (I think these might be my favourite of all of Campbell’s teachings.)

Other thoughts: when I hear the name ‘Austin’ I tend to think of Bill Hicks, because that’s where he was from. In my view Bill was a great teacher. Remember he said ‘it’s just a ride’ and we can ‘change the ride at any time’…? I love that questing, freedom-loving spirit towards life.

Mostly, I think we have to be kind and patient and forgiving with ourselves whenever we feel we have erred, or missed a mark; just be kind and understanding and patient with yourself. Keep dancing and doing what gives you a sense of vitality and joy; try to be in the present rather than the past or future; and try to ‘love the questions’. On that note, I will leave you with some wise words from Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke:

‘I want to beg you, as much as I can, dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.’

Warmly,

Esther.

Lost a love, lost a call, lost an opportunity.
Did not lost loving, did not lost sensing, did not lost life.
A countless multitude of dancing waterdrops is the flow which takes you through the rapids and tranquil pools. All enchanting, all moving, all calling.
In retrospect, don’t worry. Abraza tu destino.